An open Report Card/Letter to my child's school

Dear Teachers and Staff of Chandler Intermediate School,

Recently, Texas Schools have received their annual accountability ratings, reports, and test scores from the higher ups in Austin.  I think it’s also important for you to receive feedback from some of the local parents and people who witness you in action every day.  So here is an overview of how I would grade your performance in the areas that are important to me and to my kiddos.

School Spirit – A+

The positive environment you have created at Chandler Intermediate has encouraged my children to be proud to be Bears.  They have become familiar with process of hard work and the pride of a finished product.  You all have become some of their biggest fans.  Even after they have moved up and on, you have continued to cheer for them, and they know they will always find a smile and a hug in your hallways.

Communication – A

I have found your teachers to be very punctual in returning messages, which is a miracle in itself considering all the things on their daily to-do list.  You have also continued to improve in this area as you have added new avenues to reach parents every year.  You have communicated through phone calls, apps, emails, letters, notes, newsletters, sticky notes, text messages, conferences, and folders, in order to reach every family with word of the daily happenings.  If anyone has complaints in this area, I would challenge them to remember three things: 1) Communication is a two way street.  You will be as informed as you are involved.  2) Your teachers each have over 100 students a piece and individual daily communication with each student’s family is simply NOT possible. Be realistic.  And 3) At this age, your child should be owning some of this responsibility.  They should communicate things that they need for school and what’s happening at school on their own.  If it’s important to them – they will remember to tell you.  If it’s important to you – ASK!

Opportunities for Growth – A+

During their time so far at CIS, my children have had the opportunity to participate in MANY extracurricular activities, such as Band, Gifted and Talented classes, UIL Academic competitions, Field Days, Field Trips, Leadership Team, Robotics, Fundraisers, Art competitions, and much more.  One thing I’ve noticed is that MOST of these things take place during the teacher’s “off-duty” hours.  Which means that these teachers are sacrificing their time for my kids.  If that’s not love, I don’t know what is. 

College Readiness – B-

Now before you go getting upset about a B, let me explain.  I don’t want my 4^th grader to be ready for college at age 9.  He shouldn’t be ready for college at age 9, so I don’t want you wasting your time trying to get him ready for college at age 9.  Feel free to sport your pennants in your room and to wear your jerseys promoting your school during Red Ribbon Week.  Just enough to make him aware that Aggies and Longhorns can be cool people.  But for now, I’m ok with him not wanting to go to college.  So don’t worry so much about helping him answer those questions on that silly test that he is not developmentally ready to answer.  I’d rather you give him more recess and let him do what he was created to do right now, which is to be a kid. J

Perfection – B-

Wait, another B?  I thought this was supposed to be an encouraging letter?  Hear me out.  I was going to give you an F, but I was worried you might not keep reading.  Because here’s the thing – I don’t want you to be perfect, or anywhere near perfect.  You can’t be, won’t be, and shouldn’t be.  Because if you were a perfect school, my kids wouldn’t be allowed in.  And what better way to model for the students growth and achievement than to grow and achieve yourselves?  My kids need to see that their teachers aren’t perfect.  They need teachers and staff who are real people.  They need teachers who will make mistakes and say they’re sorry every once in a while.  They need to see how you handle adversity and failure with perseverance.  As teachers, you carry the complex burden of striving for perfection, while simultaneously and artfully laying it aside to celebrate the joys of simple progress.  I’d rather you be joyful than perfect.

Problem – Solving – A

Because you’re not perfect, there will be issues.  And as a parent, I will be great at bringing those issues to your attention.  (Just not in this letter, because, you see, I did not take the time to fill out the parent survey that was sent out, which would have been the proper time to air any complaints, but I was too lazy to take a minute. Ha!)  But in my experience, as I have brought you my concerns, you have listened well, and you have found solutions.  I have not once been dismissed or ignored, and I have seen swift action to remedy real issues.  Like the time I told you I came to eat lunch with my kid and noticed one student only had 5 minutes to eat.  Or the time my kid was bullied in PE.  Or the time the bus came flying through the school zone and mama bear came marching in to the office wanting heads to roll.  All of these, you fixed it and you fixed it fast.  This tells me you care about me, and more importantly, about the safety and security of my kids.  So thank you!  (Side note to other parents since this is an open letter:  If we want to be heard, we need to make sure that we’re not speaking all the time.  If we have a VALID concern, it will be much more well received if we don’t have one every day and if we voice it in a respectful way.)

Fairness – A

In their time at CIS, I feel that my children have been treated fairly.  On several occasions, this has meant that they were not chosen for something they wanted to do, or to receive.   This has also meant that their grades dropped, because the work got harder.  And I’m glad.  I do not believe they have been either the recipients or the victims of favoritism, and for that I am so thankful.  There have been many awards and privileges they desired, but did not necessarily earn, so they weren’t received.  Two of my children applied to be on the leadership team, and they were both told no the first time.  The perseverance that taught them was far more valuable than the immediate acceptance would have been.  They have not been the star student every 9 weeks, or even every year.  And I’m good with that.  They need to learn to rejoice in others, and to work hard for what they want. 

Life-Readiness – A+

Several of your teachers and staff have dealt with difficult life issues during their time teaching my children.  Some have battled illness, pregnancy, the death of loved ones, and other life crises.  As they have taught my kids, they have handled these things with vulnerability, and with grace.  Despite the fact that no lesson plans were available for these situations, they taught my kids incredibly valuable life lessons.

Value – A++++

The teachers and staff at CIS have ALWAYS made my children feel valued, and special.  I cannot speak for all the students that have gone through that school, for the 3 that matter to me, thank you from the bottom of my heart.  My oldest has already moved on, but he knows some of his biggest cheerleaders are still here.  He was one of those kids who would rush through assignments just to get them done.  We would talk to him until we were blue in the face about taking his time and doing his best.  When he was in 6^th grade, he spent FOUR DAYS one week on a silly poster for science.  All because one of your teachers went out of her way to make him feel special.  He felt valued by her, so he then valued his work.  He was motived to do his best for her because she cared.  A couple of your 5^th grade teachers made my daughter feel like she was the best student in the world.  They brought out a confidence in her that I had not seen before.  She began to see herself as beautiful and capable and a leader because they saw her that way.  And just yesterday, one of your 4^th grade teachers walked my youngest to the car and made a big deal out of him.  He felt so proud and special just because she took 2 minutes to go out of her way and brag on him for a few seconds. 

Now I’m their momma, so I know mine are special.  But I’m not naïve.  I see the hugs these same teachers give other students.  I know that my three aren’t the only three that are special.  I’ve watched how these teachers go out of their way to make ALL students feel special.  You might not REACH them all, but you’re REACHING OUT to them all, and for that I applaud you. 

So I don’t know much about Closing Gaps in Academic Achievement and all that stuff, and for that matter how ONE test determines all those things.  But from what I’ve observed over the last 4 years, and in the qualities that are important to our family, we give you an A+ and our eternal gratitude for the job you’re doing EVERY DAY.  From the bottom of our hearts, THANK YOU. 

Sincerely,

Mama Bear

fruitful gardens........ or empty ones

Parents – listen. Our children are like gardens. Which of these two does your child most resemble right now?


Seriously moms and dads, I am pleading with you to listen to me! We are working so hard to tend to the soil of our kids’ hearts. We are providing for them, giving them opportunities for success, teaching them respect and kindness, and working diligently to pull up the weeds of rebellion. BUT……. Are we planting anything?


You see, I think as parents we are often missing the most important part. We MUST plant the seed of God’s Word in their hearts, otherwise they will be left EMPTY.

If we’ve been working our tails off, and not seeing any fruit, maybe it’s time to ask ourselves, when was the last time we actually talked with them about God’s WORD?


Let me get more practical. A couple years ago, we were in a season with our kids where we decided to start talking about different character qualities each week. We were so tired of just telling them, “no, stop, quit it, don’t do that, don’t say that, etc.” So we decided we probably needed to be teaching them about what TO do. Each Sunday night, we would write a different character quality on our kitchen whiteboard, pick a bible verse to go with it, and talk about it at dinner. This was great and gave us the opportunity to say, “Good job being patient,” or “Hey I saw how you chose kindness in your words,” or “thank you for being willing to share.” Little did we know exactly how big the impact of this would be in our home.


During this time we were also providing respite care for foster children. (Basically babysitting to help out other foster families.) Our kids had expressed that they were not quite ready for full-time foster care, so we were doing this in the meantime. One weekend, we had the privilege of keeping a sassy, spunky, little 2 year old that was as cute as could be. She loved it here and we loved her. But after that weekend, she went back to her foster family and we went back to our normal lives.

That next week, we were going to be hosting a group of college guys for a lunch, so we chose hospitality as our character quality and a verse in Romans as our Scripture. I remember writing on the white board that morning, “Practice hospitality. Give generously to those in need.”


Just so happens that that afternoon, we received a phone call asking us to be REAL hospitable. You see, our sassy, spunky little friend needed a new foster home, so they called us to see if we could take her. We told them we’d pray about it and get back to them later that evening. We did not tell our kids about it yet, bc we wanted to make the decision before letting them know anything. That night at dinner, as my husband and I are talking to our kids about hospitality, knowing full well we had this decision to make, we’re both just looking at each other across the table, looking at the WORDs on the white board talking about giving generously to those in need, and we both knew in our hearts that the answer HAD to be yes.


We also knew we were going to have to talk to our kids about this life change that was about to occur, and that they might not take it well. So after calling the caseworker, and accepting the placement, I took a deep breath and went in to my daughter’s room. You see she had told me months before, “Mom, I’m ok with respite, but not a placement and definitely NOT adopting.” So I knew this would be a hard conversation.


I sat down on her bed and said, “Hey we need to talk.” I explained to her what had happened. That our friend needed a new home and that we felt like God was calling us to provide it. As the tears began to roll down her face, I could see that she was really struggling with this, knowing how hard it would be. So I reminded her, “Hey, do you remember what we talked about at dinner tonight? About giving generously to those in need?” She shook her head yes. I said, “This is one way for us to do that. She needs a home, and right now, we have one to give.”

In that moment, I’m not kidding you, I watched my daughter change before my eyes. Her tears dried up, her face lightened and her whole demeanor changed. She sat up and said, “Yeah mom, we need to do this.” I will never forget that moment. It was as if I had watched an entire tree break the soil, sprout, and grow right before my eyes and bear fruit in no time at all. That, my friends, was a miracle. Because you see, that was something I could NOT do. That was something not even she could do. I have no power to force my children to feel any certain way, nor do they have the power to change themselves. ONLY GOD can change hearts. ONLY God can do that kind of gardening. ONLY GOD can bring fruit in these deserts. And it starts with HIS WORD. 

Now I’m not saying it happens like this all the time in our house. That was a rare gem I had the privilege of witnessing. Some fruit takes more time. But I am saying that maybe it doesn’t have to be so rare. Maybe as parents we just need to be more obedient to steward these gardens by actually planting the seeds of God’s WORD in them.


So, how do your gardens look these days? Are they bearing fruit? Or are they empty? If so, let’s get to planting!

this is a story about a mom...... and a boy

This is a story about a mom.... and a boy.

About a year and a half ago, our youngest child started going through a rough season. In the last few months, we have dealt with behavior problems at school, at home, and at church, as well as difficulty at bedtime, difficulty with friends, difficulty with large crowds, homework, etc, etc, etc. There have been many tears, many fits, many questions, many arguments, and a LOT of prayer.

As parents, we were racking our brains wondering what happened. Is this hormones? is it blood sugar? was he bullied? did something happen? or is he just being a terd? the mood swings were drastic, and as a mom, I began wondering what happened to my sweet boy.

after some concerning events at school and at home, we finally decided to try counseling. this has been a life saver for our family on several occasions, so why not now?

the counselor suggested I started keeping a journal. my job was to write down anything we did during our day that could possibly be triggering the melt downs to see if there were any patterns. food, sleep, schedule, activities, family time, what friends he played with, his moods, all of it. so basically, I was studying my child, and taking notes. I honestly did not think we would find a pattern, and I was worried that the anxiety that runs in my family had claimed yet another victim.

but I was wrong. or at least partly wrong. you see, in the 3 weeks I observed and took notes, there were 3 meltdowns/tantrums. and all 3 were because I simply asked him to do something he didn't want to do. lightbulb moment. as much as I didn't want to admit it, part of the problem was me. I realized I have been too soft on my baby boy. I have rescued him, coddled him, compromised, given in, not followed through, and softened the blows too many times. and the boy that God intends to grow tough, hard-working, and strong, was only growing weak, entitled, and fearful.

and I guess it's very common with mommas and their baby boys, but man this part was hard. it took me a good 24 hours of mom funk to get over this realization that my parenting was part of my son's problem. BUT..... once I got over myself, I asked the Lord for help to change my approach, to help him become the man God intends for him to be.

and thankfully for me, my son is a quick learner. since changing my parenting with him about a month ago, I have watched him slowly come alive. as I've been learning not to lecture so much, he has been talking to me more. as I've been asking more of him, he has been rising to the occasion. and yesterday, for the first time in over a year, I realized I had my Graham back.

and I find it no coincidence that it happened in the same week that I made him mow the yard for the first time. I know it seems like a small thing, but really moms, for them it's a big thing. the first-borns seem to do everything so early, and the babies? well, nobody every really asks them to do anything. so not only do they learn they don't have to, but they also don't think they CAN.

boys, even and especially the little ones, need to learn to WORK. God created them for this and when we don't expect it from them, or keep rescuing them from it we are emasculating them.

today for instance, he wanted a new book. mommy wanted some clean shutters. so we traded and both got what we wanted. AND he also got a huge sense of accomplishment and pride in a job well done.

so..... why in the world would I want to admit my #momfail to the whole world? simply because mommas, I want you to know you're not alone in this, so hang in there. let's be willing to study our kids. let's be willing to parent them differently according to their needs. let's be willing to admit our mistakes and ask for help. and let's quit rescuing our boys from hard things. let's teach them they are strong in the Lord and that He created them to do good work.

want more practical? here's some things we have done with our boys that I have found leave them better off.

1) Work first, then play: During the school year, our kids are required to finish their homework and chores before they get video game time. During the summer, they are required to clean their rooms, finish their chores, AND turn in 2 age-appropriate reading or math worksheets before playing video games. They HATE it, but I hate video games, so we feel it's a fair compromise, ha! but seriously, if they're gonna go kill some brain cells, let's at least build some new ones first.

2) Limit their screen time. This teaches self-control, priorities, the dangers of addiction, and forces creativity. In our house, our kids get 30 minutes. This is not a gold standard, but what we’re comfortable with. We must also teach them to turn it off when their time is done. This has been hard bc it’s a delicate balance of respecting their need for closure within reason. And no, we don’t have this totally figured out yet, and yes, it is a battle, and yes, I believe it’s one worth fighting.

3) And one last thing about the video games – (can you tell it’s a hot button in our house?) Draw a line in the sand about what games you will and will not let them have. Try to say yes when you can, and when you say, no, make sure to have a solid reason. We have drawn a line in the sand with human on human violence. I’m ok with them shooting aliens, but when it comes to shooting other humans, that’s a big fat NO. (and yes, we’re apparently the ONLY parents in the world who said No to Fortnite) We want to teach them the sanctity of human life. And yes, there may come a time where they will be asked to go to war or to protect their families from violence, but allowing them to be exposed to this type of violence every day is completely unnecessary and in fact harmful. (in my humble opinion)

4) Don’t rescue them from boredom. Boredom spawns creativity. Don’t abort that prematurely just because you’re tired of hearing them whine.

5) Teach them to cook. (or at least how to make a sandwich) There’s a fine line between being your child’s mom and being their servant. When we are feeling unappreciated, we’ve probably crossed it. One thing that has helped us with this is when my husband finally convinced me to just fix one thing each day for breakfast. If they don’t like what I fixed, they’re on their own. During the school year, we do Monday Muffins, Tuesday Toast, Wednesday Waffles, Thursday Oatmeal, and Friday Favorites. But to each his own.

6) Teach them to do their laundry. They will fight you on this, but they will also smile when they do it themselves. Our goal was to have them doing it on their own by the time they were teenagers. We’re almost there and the future looks bright! It doesn’t have to happen all at once. Baby steps over several years are ok.

7) Praise their strengths. We produce what you praise. Help them figure out what they’re good at, and encourage the snot out of it.

8) Give them grace in their weaknesses. Help them realize it’s ok for them to not be great at everything. They will learn to give themselves (and others) grace in the same measure that you give it to them.

9) Teach them that their choices have consequences. Being grounded now will hopefully save them from going to jail later. And when they are grounded, use a point system of tasks they must complete to earn 100 points, and get their privileges back. My boys have both been through this and they actually end up much more confident than before. (And my fence usually looks a whole lot better too).

10) PRAY. I do NOT have this all figured out, and neither do you. These are God’s boys first. In order to keep them alive and to raise them to be His MEN, we must seek Him.

So, here I am, just a mom, sharing her story, suspecting she might not be alone

parenting lessons from the incredibles

Parenting lessons from the Incredibles: (no spoilers I promise)

Parents - our kids all have special gifts and talents - powers if you will, and it's our job to help them learn to use them wisely.

Take Dash for instance. He has to learn how to use his speed in the right arenas. Not for his own glory, but to help others. we can model this attitude of service and humility for our kids.


Violet had to given the confidence and pushed into the opportunity to use her power. many of our kids need to be pushed out of their comfort zones, but also encouraged along the way so they can realize their true gifts.

And then there's Jack-Jack.

Many of us have a jack-jack in our family. the child who has tremendous potential but very little self-control. the child with lots of energy, demanding lots of attention, at times draining the life out of the parents and wreaking havoc on the family dynamic.

what we as parents need to realize is that these children do in fact exist and that it's ok to ask for help if you have one. sometimes an outside source can give you just the tools or perspective you need to manage the craziness. these kids will be unstoppable leaders once they mature and learn how to wield their gifts properly, but if you get a bit tired of parenting them along the way - IT"S OK. because it is indeed exhausting and you don't need to feel guilty for feeling every bit of it. (preaching to myself here) the life and joy they will bring to you in their later years will be worth it.

so parents...……. look for the strengths in your kids and encourage them in their gifts. help them identify their weaknesses and how to avoid them. model for them self-control and teach them to be a part of a team. teach them confidence, humility, and how to serve others.

they are pretty amazing. handle with care.

a tale of two brothers

one of the best pieces of parenting advice i have ever heard is this: dating is not what prepares your kids for marriage - it's their sibling relationships.

i have thought so much about that over the last couple years and am becoming more convinced every day that it's true.

exhibit a: these two brothers. they have been fighting like cats and dogs for about 18 months straight now. they have moments where they like each other, but lately those are becoming fewer and farther between. to the point where i have started looking at places to rent. for me. to get out. (kidding, not kidding)


anyways, i have started talking to them, especially the older one, about how their relationship is so much like marriage. as in, they're stuck with each other, so they can make the best of it, or be miserable. about how both compliments and criticism are contagious. about how if they focus on the other's failures, they will end up fighting each other in hatred, but if they focus on each other's strengths, they will grow in thankfulness and love towards each other. and about how if it's gonna get any better, one of them is gonna have to humble themselves and put the other's needs first.

our older son is leaving for a mission trip on Saturday. a couple weeks ago i finally told him he had no business driving 13 hours to tell people about Jesus if he couldn't show Jesus to his own brother. and that his first mission was his family. i encouraged him to find 3 ways he could serve his brother before he leaves, including planning and paying for a date for just the two of them.

"but mom, what are we supposed to do?"
"well, if you were taking a girl on a date, what would you do?"
"i would take her to do something she likes, and her favorite place to eat."
"ok so why should this be any different? think about where your brother would like to go. what would he want to do?"
"well, he likes bowling. and he likes starbucks. i guess i could take him to do that. how much does that cost?"

and on went the planning. and today was the date. and it was so fun watching them. and at the end, big brother said, "mom, i think that's the most fun i've ever had bowling."

yeah. it's amazing how much more fun life is when we're not focused on self.

but y'all. it was so good. i loved hearing him think through what someone else's desires would be. such a simple activity, but as i watched all this play out, i watched their relationship slowly change. i watched as glares turned to smiles, and punches turned to handshakes. i watched as their hearts softened towards one another.

watching them today has challenged me again in my own marriage. little acts of kindness go a long way.

i am so thankful for wise people who speak truth into our marriage and our parenting. and i am so praying that these will be lessons that will last with our kids that they can take into their future families.

not alone

Anxiety and Depression are real. And our family battles with them every day. So if you’re like us, we just want you to know you’re not alone.

While we do not understand where these evils come from (whether it’s chemical, physical, emotional, or spiritual - Probably all of the above resulting from the fall of man in a broken world), the truth is that they are just as real as cancer, and you are no less valuable or in need of help if you suffer from them.

The devil has used this mental illness on many occasions to try to destroy me and my family. It nearly took my life as a teenager, my sanity as a young mother, and my marriage during some difficult times. And in this season of life, I am watching it attack my children. I have seen it cause them to curl up in balls in the hallways of public places. I have seen it push their behavior spiraling out of control. At times, I have watched them be physically ill, cry, scream, and crumble, all while not being able to snap my fingers and fix it.


BUT God.

While the devil comes to steal, kill, and destroy, Jesus has come that we might have life and have it abundantly. This thorn in our flesh is ugly, but it is not without roses. Our God is faithful and He provides every step of our way. He has provided counseling, knowledge, patient school teachers, a move to a simpler life and countless understanding friends. And He provides Himself. I have almost begun to see this curse as a gift, because it forces me closer to HIM.

He provides His Word and His Spirit to empower us in Healing and in good deeds. “We are hard pressed, but not crushed. Persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down but not destroyed.” Because He is Bigger. So we continue to place ourselves under the fountain of His Word to be renewed. We take our kids to this well and we draw from it. And sometimes we dance in it. And we continue to be amazed at how he uses us despite our imperfections. Thank you Jesus for your never ending GRACE!

“Whoever believes in me as the scriptures have said, streams of living water will flow from within him.” John 7:38

dusty trophies

I’m a firstborn. A bit of a perfectionist, and an achiever. And I am parenting one who is just like me.

Last night I attended an awards banquet with this child. And as I expected, the ride home was solemn. He didn’t receive any of the awards he was hoping for, so he was disappointed. The reason this was no surprise to me is because I remember so many times being in his shoes. Trying to act like it didn’t bother me that I “only” got this or that, or that I wasn’t recognized for a certain thing. I knew I shouldn’t be pouty, and should be thankful to just get to participate, but it bothered me when I didn’t take home the hardware. What I didn’t realize until now was that even if had won them all, it would never have been enough.

So when we got home last night, I simply took my son into my bedroom, pointed to the top of my closet and said, “what do you see?”

“A box.”
“And what’s in it?”
“Your awards I guess.”
“And do you notice where it is?”
“In the top of your closet?”
“Exactly.”

Every single trophy, medal, and plaque I ever earned is in a box in the top of my closet. 20 years past my prime and every single recognizable achievement is hidden where no one sees, and no one cares, not even me. It was no small collection, and yet there it sits collecting dust.

I pleaded with my son, “be smarter than your mom. Don’t find your value or worth in these things like I did. The highs of recognition are addicting, but don’t satisfy. And twenty years from now, you will still be searching for worth if you are looking for it here. Your worth my son has already been determined, so don’t fall into this trap like I did.”

As I sent him to bed with those thoughts, I was thankful that the Lord has used the thanklessness of motherhood to slowly change the achiever in me.

Today, my son received a very special and unexpected honor in front of a large crowd. Tonight, I think I will take him back to my closet and point at the same box. Because whether the emotion is disappointment, or elation, the lesson is the same - we work hard FROM our worth, not FOR it.

the Helper

Had a situation/conversation with a child last night that was a very tangible example of the role of the Holy Spirit as counselor/teacher/guide/helper.

Like I've done many times as a parent, I had directed my children to "Come on, it's time to go." And like many times before, there was delayed disobedience. While waiting, my frustration was growing and my patience was doing just the opposite. So by the time this child actually got around to obeying I was mad and tried to discipline while I was angry. The result was me raising my voice, overreacting, and saying some things that were just flat out mean. So in return I got more of the same. I was focused on my personal frustration by explaining why I had a right to be angry and my child was focused on justifying the behavior by saying he didn't hear me. Both of which were self-motivated.


At some point, I was wise enough to say, "You know what? We're done talking about this until I calm down."

20 minutes later......... The apology. I apologized for yelling, for being rude. And more importantly, for muddying the waters of discipline with my anger. I realized that me trying to justify my personal emotions takes the focus off of the real problem of disobedience. The true issue is sin and separation from God. But when I take things so personally, it teaches my kids to obey me out of fear instead of out of a heart that loves. The conviction of this and my lightbulb moment could have only come from the Holy Spirit.

And then, my child apologized for not obeying. He said he should have known to come when we left for the car and that he shouldn't have even needed to hear me. He admitted to being selfish and to not being considerate of everyone else's feelings. So apparently I wasn't the only one being convicted.

Parenting is hard. The struggle is real. But we have hope and help when we open our hearts to His Spirit.

"But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you." John 14:26

The Greatest Showman, The Greatest King

I found myself, like so many other movie goers, quickly falling in love with the movie, The Greatest Showman.  It reminds me so much of the story of King David, so I would like to offer some similarities in hopes maybe other parents can use these as talking points with their kids.  I believe some of these are the reasons this movie is so endearing to audiences, and that are quickly turning it into one of the classics of our day.

1) The MUSIC.  Music is one of God's most creative and wonderful gifts to mankind, and the music in the Greatest Showman is proof of the enjoyment it can bring.  The melodies are catchy, the lyrics are far from superficial, and the choreography is phenomenal.  The scores takes the audience through a range of emotions from anticipation to regret, from despair to elation.  

King David's life was one also marked by music.  As a teenager, we see him playing the harp to sooth King Saul.  At the height of his career, we see "King David leaping and dancing before the LORD," (2 Samuel 6:16)


2) The UNDERDOG.  Both P.T. Barnum and King David both came from humble beginnings.  Both men also endured intense criticism during their lifetime and both overcame many obstacles to rise to success.  There's just something in our human nature that wants to see the underdog win, and in these stories, they did.  "man  looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart."
(1 Samuel 16:7)


3) The HUMANNESS.  It is very hard to relate to characters that are perfect.  What makes both these stories so relatable is the imperfections of the heroes.  We relate to David because he struggled with depression, temptation, lust and laziness.  We can relate to PT Barnum because he lost sight of what was important, and began to chase after the lesser gods of fame and fortune.  These men were human, just like us.  Therefore we feel for them and get sucked in to their stories.  Many of us have been caught in the lies we've told to cover up our sins, and we can relate to the emotions of being knocked off our high horse and brought low to the end of our rope.  We never intended to go down that road, and neither did they.  Like PT, we have found ourselves chasing "someone else's dreams, the pitfalls of the [men we] became."

4) The HOPE of REDEMPTION.  While these stories remind us that our sin indeed has dear consequences, they do not leave us without hope. When all seems lost, beauty rises from the ashes, there is life after death, and healing for hurting hearts.  Forgiveness is available, and redemption is offered through grace.  

5) The STRONG MALE CHARACTER.  So many of today's TV series and movies have completely destroyed the image of men.  They are portrayed as witless, weak, and wandering.  This movie was so refreshing to see a man portrayed as adventurous, witty, focused, and strong.  Yes, he was human, but he was also an innovative leader who fiercely loved his family.  David was the same.  That's what made their falls from grace so hurtful.  When David got lazy and gave up his role as the warrior king is when he fell into temptation.  When PT Barnum began seeking his own glory and best interests instead of his family's is when he lost it all.  I believe our society has done much of the same as our men have given up their God-given roles as leaders and fallen into laziness, apathy, and self-seeking lifestyles.  These stories restore faith in the possibility of strong, servant leaders who are "men after God's own heart."

not against flesh and blood

Today was a rough day. Worst day I've had in a long time. But when I took a step back from it, I realized it had nothing to do with my physical circumstances. Truly, we are healthy and the general weather pattern is good, so our daily struggles are light and momentary, and really no big deal in the big scheme of things.

No - it had to do with the spiritual battle. the devil was attacking me from several angles today, trying to make me feel like a piece of junk, a failure as a mom, teacher, wife, sister, and friend. He has a way of taking very small issues and blowing them way out of proportion in my brain.


Paranoia about what others think about me.
Loneliness.
Worry about my kids.
Over analyzing my mistakes.
All of it.

My tendency during these difficult days is to misdirect my energy and efforts towards the physical circumstances and either figure out a way to fix it, fight it, or flee from it. The reason today was so hard is that I could do none of those. There was no quick fix to the problem, there was no way to deny it, or fight it, and I could not escape from it.

So I was stuck. Meaning I had to call it what it was - a spiritual battle - and face it head on, taking up the armor of God, and wield my sword - HIS WORD.

No, I am not a piece of junk, I was bought at a price. (1 Cor 6:19-20)
No, I am not a failure, I have been fully equipped for this good work of motherhood, and for teaching these kids. (2 Timothy 3:17)
No, I am not alone, for My God is with me. (Joshua 1:9)
No, I am not out of place, I am a fully accepted and loved child of God. (John 1:12)

And no, satan, I will not let my feelings dictate my defeat today. Because HE is the TRUTH and I will not surrender my focus or my worship elsewhere.

how God speaks

My kids at home are always asking me how God speaks. This last week he gave me a great example to share with them about this very thing.

I have been praying about whether or not to return to my full-time teaching position next year. There are many factors weighing into this decision - was this a forever calling, or just for a season? is this the best thing for our family? is this the mission field that God has called me to? and on and on.

I have been looking in His Word, I have been seeking wise counsel, I have been weighing the pros and cons. But more than any of those, I have simply been asking God to show me. I wish sometimes that He would use big things, like maybe a neon billboard to make it obvious. But He most often uses the little things, all the while teaching me to listen and to seek Him.

On Sunday, during church I felt some pretty clear direction. I felt the Holy Spirit speaking to my heart, "Well done. Finish strong." Meaning he called me to this for a very specific season to meet some very specific needs, and that it is over for now. That he has something else in mind for me next. I very much felt a peace in my heart, and felt more like myself than I have in a long time.

So this week as I was preparing my resignation letter and preparing to talk to my coworkers and boss, I kept praying, "Lord if I heard you wrong, please stop me." One afternoon as I was doing car duty and helping kids into their cars, a young man came up and was very excited to see me. I don't even know the kid's name, but for some reason he is always excited to see me. This time he made sure to tell me, "Coach Harris, I'm in 2nd grade now. " I laughed at his energetic spirit, and my heart was touched by our special connection. But as soon as I closed his door, it dawned on me - that this kid is going to be in 3rd grade next year and I prayed, "Lord, am I supposed to stay for him?"

I started second guessing myself and if i was making the wrong decision. I couldn't help but wonder if that kid was my new mission. But as I prayed, I truly felt a peace about stepping down, so I went forward with turning in my resignation.

The next day, as I was in the office making some copies, I overheard the secretary speaking with a parent about withdrawing her kids to take them to a new school. Out of curiosity, I popped my head around the corner to see who would be leaving, and low and behold, it was THAT young man. It's like the Lord knew that I needed to know that this one was not my responsibility, and that he is someone else's mission. God knows I would have worried the rest of my life about that kid and whether or not I did him a disservice, so He gave me the gift of being able to see that this one did not need me. I just happened to be in the office at the right time and it just happened to be that kid. He used this "coincidence" to reaffirm what He had already showed me.

So how does God speak? Any way he wants, that's how. He can use circumstances, earthquakes, burning bushes, dates, times, "coincidences," people and prayer, whispers or shouts, storms or stillness. And when He speaks, it will ALWAYS line up with what He has already said in His Word.

I share this not to say what a good listener I am. No, the reason God has to go out of His way sometimes for me with really cool things like this is because I'm just a dumb sheep. The Good Shepherd often has to put fences up to make sure I stay within the sound of His voice. I share these things to bring HIM the glory. He is so patient, loving, and kind, and POWERFUL. He never ceases to amaze me, and for His VOICE I am thankful. The stories I could tell.........

why church

A lengthy post that's been many years coming, but I hope it will encourage someone.

Rob and I both grew up in homes where we did church. Every Sunday morning, every Sunday night, every Wednesday night, every time the doors were open, we were there. We continued that pattern with our own family for several years. We served in youth ministry, taught Sunday School, led small groups, etc, etc, etc. Every time the doors were open, we were there, and so were our kids.

After 15 years of that, I'm pretty sure the appropriate word for our feelings was "burnt out."

Our move to Tyler, and the search for a new church home gave us the chance to step away from all those commitments for a while. These last couple years, we've really been re-evaluating all the "busy-ness" of church life, and whether or not we're going to continue doing things that way. Is all of it really necessary, or are we just doing it because it's what people do? Are we truly doing all this for Jesus, or just because it's what we've always done? With three children, and an ever-growing list of activities and to-do’s, we did not want church to simply be one more thing on the list. And if we’re going to do church, WHY?

While we still don't know what exactly all that is supposed to look like, here's some things we've learned in the process:

1) Jesus > church. Jesus places a much higher value on relationships than just the activities of religion. And just going to church does not make you a Christian any more than going into a garage makes you a car. Jesus Christ is the one who saves, redeems, restores, heals, forgives, and loves perfectly and wholly. We must seek HIM above and before all else.
2) Jesus loves His church, and His people should too. He refers to the church as the bride of Christ. He both cherishes and commissions the church with his love and his power to do his work. When we become disenfranchised regarding the church to the point where we are indifferent or even bitter towards it, we have some heart work to do.
3) We need the community of the church. Spiritual growth will not take place apart from community. The accountability, correction, encouragement, and support that the body of Christ provides in small groups is irreplaceable. We need to know when we’re struggling that we’re not alone in the struggle. We need to hear stories of God’s faithfulness in the lives of others, and to share the stories of His faithfulness in our own trials. This might take place in sunday school or in a home group. But it must take place on a regular basis. The fruit of relationship is directly proportionate to the investment.
4) We need to hear God’s Word being preached. We need to be reminded of God’s bigger story. Very Often. Not once a year, not once a month, but very, very often. Just think. When the Israelites were delivered from Egypt, they had only made steps into their journey before they had already forgotten the miracles and were fearful that they would be trampled by the chariots or eaten by vultures in the desert. How often we need to be reminded of His faithfulness.
5) We need to be a part of corporate worship in the church. God demands and deserves our praise. And when I don’t have the strength or the desire to raise my hands or my voice, I need to be around those who do.
6) Activity does not equal maturity. We are not more mature believers simply because we are more active. As a matter of fact, I believe there are many who are falsely believing their church attendance is what’s saving them. We must listen to God’s voice, not just the schedule in the bulletin to determine what things we should take part in. And sometimes that will mean saying “no” to certain opportunities, activities, and groups. Jesus himself often pulled away from the crowds and went the opposite direction. And every time it was to get alone with His Father, or to follow where the Holy Spirit was leading him.
7) The church is not a place, it is a people. It is indeed important to be involved in the corporate worship, preaching, and work of the local church. But sometimes church just means having another family over for dinner, or texting a friend to check on them. Sometimes church even means taking a road trip to see an old friend.

All these thoughts came to a head last week when we had a particularly rough week in our family. The stress of our schedules and parenting through particular issues was absolutely exhausting. We went to church and we sat in the service and the tears began to flow as I heard and saw the words being sung:
“Oh my God, He will not delay
My refuge and strength, always,
I will not fear, his promise is true
My God will come through, always. Always.”

I had spent my week wondering where God was in the midst of that struggle, feeling vulnerable, weak, and fearful, doubting all his promises and whether or not He would come through this time. So in all honesty, I was having a hard time singing about him being a refuge, a strength. I couldn’t bring myself to sing about his promises, or about Him coming through because in this particular situation, I hadn’t yet seen it. I KNOW without a doubt these things to be true, but I wasn’t FEELING any of them. But there were many around me with hands raised, declaring the praises of the faithful one, some with tears streaming down their own faces.

And earlier that week, a friend had texted me a link to this very same song. And later that morning, the pastor preached on God’s faithfulness in these very situations and reaffirmed all that we were doing as parents. Our Sunday school lesson was even more encouraging, as I knew I was not alone in the struggle as others shared, and I was encouraged with real life ways to apply His Word to our situation. Another friend had encouraged me during the week, calling to check on me, and just to tell me she was praying for me.

This is why the church – God’s people – are so important. It wasn’t any one of those things that encouraged me by itself. It wasn’t the song, the sermon, the text messages, or the raised hands that helped me to lift my eyes to Jesus again. It was all of them put together. This is why we so desperately need the church. This is why Rob and I have decided to worship with our church on Sundays and to be a part of a small group. This is why we will have other families over for dinner, and go on dates with other couples. This is why we will encourage our kids to be involved in the student ministries. None of it to be a part of a club, but to be a part of a community. A community of people – the church – building one another up as we live life together imperfectly, looking to the perfection of Jesus Christ in it all.

life uncut

Been thinking today about things we share with the facebook world.

If i were to share some of my "facebook worthy" happenings today they might include the 4 points my son scored at his basketball game. but what you wouldn't see would be the 4 hours this afternoon he spent sulking because his team lost. you wouldn't see the other 40 games where he hasn't even touched the ball. you wouldn't see how his mama worried about him when he was sad and wouldn't eat and how it drove me crazy that he wouldn't talk to me because I'm a fixer and i couldn't fix it.

i might post about the "greatest showman" themed cake my husband made for our daughter's birthday. i might even show you a picture. but you wouldn't see all the dirty dishes or how much he stressed about getting it just right.

i might tell you that we finally went to see the greatest showman and left the theatre with a true feel good. what you wouldn't hear about would be how that good feeling disappeared the moment the first negative comment was made in the car and i took it way too personal. or how this mama is flat out exhausted with parenting and didn't want to talk to anyone in the restaurant at dinner afterwards. or how our kids started arguing the moment we sat down over the rights to the gaming device at the chili's table. or how we fought over who would get a kids cup or an adult cup. or how i was praying in the middle of chili's for the Lord to give me joy enough to enjoy my family. or how my husband sensed my irritability and still found a way to make us all smile by making paper airplanes and witty dad jokes at the table.

i might tell you about how proud i am of my 11 year old birthday girl. but what you wouldn't see would be the 11,000,000 moments that have created that pride. the hard ones and the happy ones. and the simple ones like watching my family laugh their heads off playing a game of Hungry Hippos in the living room floor even though they're all way too old for it.

my hope and prayer is that as i share my life with others, i will share not just the overwhelming evidence of His grace in my life, but also my great need for it.