Today I came face to face again with my old and familiar enemy anxiety. For no good reason I got super overwhelmed this afternoon and just hit my limit. When this happens i basically freeze. It becomes very difficult to make decisions, answer simple questions, or sometimes to even function at all. I go into survival mode, hoping auto pilot can get me through until bedtime.
But today was different. Because today I realized my children have a front row seat to these struggles. And I have basically been trying to hide it from them for the last 12 years. today I realized that I have been robbing them of a beautiful gift. Because who knows when they too might come to the end of themselves, and they will need to know how to walk through that with grace.
So today, I quit hiding. I was honest. I shared with my oldest what I was feeling and experiencing and showed him how I've learned to call it what it is, and ask for help with it. I walked him through how I had texted my husband, admitting that I was at my limit and that I needed help coming up with a plan b for dinner bc I didn't think trying to make meatballs with an 8 year old was a good idea. At least not today.
He watched me slow down and sit down and stop all the chores and put away the to-do list and find something simple to do, like playing cards.
And he heard me say, "Lord, I need you."
All this time, I have been trying to be super mom, when what they really need to see is a mom who knows she needs a super God.
