dusty trophies

I’m a firstborn. A bit of a perfectionist, and an achiever. And I am parenting one who is just like me.

Last night I attended an awards banquet with this child. And as I expected, the ride home was solemn. He didn’t receive any of the awards he was hoping for, so he was disappointed. The reason this was no surprise to me is because I remember so many times being in his shoes. Trying to act like it didn’t bother me that I “only” got this or that, or that I wasn’t recognized for a certain thing. I knew I shouldn’t be pouty, and should be thankful to just get to participate, but it bothered me when I didn’t take home the hardware. What I didn’t realize until now was that even if had won them all, it would never have been enough.

So when we got home last night, I simply took my son into my bedroom, pointed to the top of my closet and said, “what do you see?”

“A box.”
“And what’s in it?”
“Your awards I guess.”
“And do you notice where it is?”
“In the top of your closet?”
“Exactly.”

Every single trophy, medal, and plaque I ever earned is in a box in the top of my closet. 20 years past my prime and every single recognizable achievement is hidden where no one sees, and no one cares, not even me. It was no small collection, and yet there it sits collecting dust.

I pleaded with my son, “be smarter than your mom. Don’t find your value or worth in these things like I did. The highs of recognition are addicting, but don’t satisfy. And twenty years from now, you will still be searching for worth if you are looking for it here. Your worth my son has already been determined, so don’t fall into this trap like I did.”

As I sent him to bed with those thoughts, I was thankful that the Lord has used the thanklessness of motherhood to slowly change the achiever in me.

Today, my son received a very special and unexpected honor in front of a large crowd. Tonight, I think I will take him back to my closet and point at the same box. Because whether the emotion is disappointment, or elation, the lesson is the same - we work hard FROM our worth, not FOR it.