dancing in grace

A small miracle happened in our house tonight. It came in the form of a bedtime story. A simple game of ring-around-the-rosy, and a bedtime story.
As some of you know , the last 6 weeks have been quite an adjustment for us, having taken in a busy, bubbly, 2 year old foster daughter. They have been especially trying for Graham. Even though there is a 5 year gap between the two, he is still our baby, so some natural jealousy and frustration has reared its ugly head. On top of that, the boys have been adjusting to sharing a room, as well as getting less sleep. And that too has been ugly.

On top of that, this is the second time Graham has taken the brunt of the adjustment to a foster placement. The last time we fostered, Graham was 3, and we took in a 3 year old girl. They were 6 weeks apart and fought like cats and dogs for four straight months. After that, we were so afraid his little heart might not be able to handle this again.

I mean, in the big scheme of things, the sacrifices our family is making are not really "suffering," but I'm sure it feels like that to a 3 year old, or a 7 year old. Feels like that to me sometimes too. And it's really hard to watch your kids "suffer," knowing it was your decision to put them through this.

And teaching them to love someone who is hard to love is not easy. Teaching them that sometimes they themselves are the ones who are hard to love is even harder. Teaching them that God loves us when we are hard to love suddenly becomes a lot more meaningful.

And then, teaching them that we can ask God for help with hard things. And then praying to him and putting His reputation on the line and having to actually wait for his answer is a little scary. Because I can't really help my kids Love. I can teach them to apologize, problem solve, and even how to say kind words, but I can't give them love to love with.

But God can. And he has. And tonight I shed tears of joy and pride over it as I sat and listened to Graham read our new little one a bedtime story. Because he wanted to and because he asked if he could. They had played ring around the rosy, wrestled, chased each other, and giggled their little heads off right up until bedtime. Then he asked if she could sit in his lap. Then he wanted to walk her to bed, and read her a bedtime story, and tell her good night, and his was the last face she saw today.

A week ago I was thinking they might not ever get along. I was entertaining thoughts like, "maybe this wasn't a good idea." "Maybe we weren't ready." "Maybe the kids are still not old enough." "Maybe we're not cut out for this."

And tonight I rejoice because guess what? We're NOT cut out for this. But GOD IS!!!!

And as if he hadn't already proven it to me enough, he does answer prayer. He does hear us when we call for help. He does give us everything we need to do his work. He does work miracles. And he is here with us!

Not to say we're done with hard. Or with fighting, or frustration. I mean, what's family without sibling rivalry?
BUT..... we can love others (even when it's hard) because he first loved us!