now what?

all i ever wanted to do was be a stay-at-home mom.  even when i was in college, people would inquire about what i wanted to do when i graduated, and i would say, "get married and have kids."  they would look at me puzzled and say, "well then what the heck are you doing here?"  to which i would reply, "well i figured i probably need a degree to fall back on."  but in the back of my mind, in all honesty, i was wondering myself what i was doing there.

and now that all my kids are past preschool and almost past elementary age, i'm beginning to wonder again, "what the heck am I doing here?"  our youngest child is in 3rd grade now, so for the last 4 years since he started school, my kids haven't "needed" a full-time stay-at-home mom, so i've been doing a lot of soul-searching trying to figure out where to go from here.  i mean, what does a person do once they've lived out a dream come true?

so i've been talking to Jesus a lot these last four years, asking him "now what?" more times than i could possibly count.  he's taken me on some crazy adventures as i've provided in-home daycare, (something i never thought i would do), been a foster parent, become an author, and most recently subbing in an elementary school (also something i said i would never do.)  i've been through stages of boredom and stages of life-giving excitement.  i've been through seasons of deep discontentment and seasons of great joy.

and i still have no idea what i'm supposed to be when i grow up.  I mean, i'll always be a mom, but i still can't seem to find my "niche" professionally.  but i think i'm ok with that now.  because here's the deal:  about a year ago, i began to ask the Lord, "what is it that you made me for?  what have you created and gifted me uniquely and purposely to do?"   i mean, i've done a lot of different things (athlete, author, student, educator, foster parent, care-giver, babysitter, coach, bible study leader, volunteer, etc.)  and as i looked back through all the things i've done and the experiences i've had, i began to see one common thread.  in everything i've done, God has placed me strategically to ENCOURAGE those around me.

the Lord showed me that it wasn't about ANY of those jobs or experiences, as much as it was about me encouraging those around me while i was there.  i mean, i guess i'm kind of a utility player in the Lord's economy.  He's just moving me around to where he needs me at the time.  no doubt the next adventure will be just as interesting as the last.  because i wasn't created to be an educator, i was created to be an encourager. i wasn't made to bring home a paycheck from a particular employer as much as i was made to bring hope to discouraged hearts.

so in truth, i'm not writing this about me, but to encourage you to ask yourself the same question.  what is it that you were made to do?  how has God uniquely and particularly created and gifted you and how are you using it to serve His body and advance His kingdom?  it doesn't have as much to do with a job or career as you might think.