"happy" new year

Today I find myself dissatisfied. Something about January that does this to me every year. I want to get healthier, reduce debt, dress nicer, be a better parent, a better spouse, a better homemaker. I want to lose 20 pounds, be able to run farther, for my skin to look younger, to add several new outfits to my wardrobe, to love my husband and kids better, and add several colors of new paint to several rooms in my home.

Slowly but surely, I am finding out though that it will never be enough. There is nothing wrong with any of these in and of themselves, but as long as my goal is to become a better version of myself, by doing and getting more, I will ALWAYS be dissatisfied.

But what if my goal is to look more like Jesus? No amount of probiotics or makeup, or cross fit or parenting classes or clothes or paint or even shiplap will get me closer to Jesus. Only Jesus can make me look like Jesus. And I am so thankful that He pursues me. I get to stop DOING and just start BEING His child. And maybe that happens when He pulls me up in His lap and sings over me. maybe it happens as He speaks into the stillness of a quiet house at 6 am. maybe it happens as He reminds me of His Word as I look in the mirror and see all the things I don't like. when He whispers wisdom into the kids' crises everyday, or when he gives me gratitude for all the little things I love about my husband. When He listens to me pour out my heart to him as I run, or as I paint a room, or as I wash the dishes.

It's in these moments, in HIS presence, and only here, where I will find satisfaction.

"Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you....
My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods..."
Psalm 63: 3, 5a