here goes nothin'

over the last few weeks, several friends and family have mentioned they thought i should write a blog, so here goes.  i have no idea what will come of this or even if anyone will read it, but it seems good to me to write for God's glory, so i will. 

i didn't really know what to call it, or how to best sum up the purpose of my words and my life in 2 square inches. then the term, "cabin fever" came to mind. i turned to webster's dictionary to see if "cabin fever" truly fits with where i am in life, and here's the definition i found:
"cabin fever: noun: extreme irritability and restlessness from living in isolation or a confined indoor area for a prolonged period of time."

haha.  yep. any of you other stay at home moms can surely resonate with this on some levels.  "restless" is definitely a term i would use to describe myself most of the time, and  "irritable" is the term my kids would probably use if their vocabulary was that big.  so then i looked up the term "restless." again, from webster's, its an adjective meaning: (1) lacking or denying rest, (2) continuously moving, and (3) manifesting unrest especially of mind."  wow.  you might as well put my picture on that page of the dictionary! 

sometimes i lack rest because of life.  sickness and the stress of everyday living can keep me from rest.  but sometimes i willfully deny rest by keeping myself too busy.  i often scribble my name on every sign up sheet that pops up just to feel productive.  and then i wonder why i'm so stressed out.  Jesus said, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (Matthew 11:28-30)  maybe i ought to quit enslaving myself to the drudgery of my own to do list and simply take on the yoke that Jesus designed me for.  i ought to filter every potential task through him first, making sure it fits with His purpose for my life.  maybe that way, i won't get stuck in the mud so much.

i am also usually and continuously moving.  i don't do sitting well, and i don't do silence well.  i feel like i've got to be getting something accomplished, so most of the time, even if i'm watching the tv, i am multitasking and working on something else.  and i don't like being left alone with my thoughts much, so there is always some kind of background noise from either the tv or the radio.  no wonder eight hours of sleep just doesn't seem to cut it anymore.  but there is often a still, small voice in the back of my head somewhere, or in my spirit, whispering, "Be still and know that I am God...." (Psalm 46:10)  although i believe we can talk to God amidst the business of our life, i don't think we can hear him unless we get still and silent.    

i'm also real good at "manifesting unrest, especially of mind."  i love the way that's worded, and unfortunately, it's so me!  anxiety, worry, angst, stress, good grief, whatever you want to call it, i'm good at it.  but God's Word says in Philippians 4:6-7, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."  so basically, i can worry, or i can pray, but i can't do both at the same time.  i get to choose rest or unrest and the difference is keeping my thoughts to myself or taking them to Jesus.   

i believe that i will always be somewhat restless on this side of heaven.  i was not created for this world, and i am longing for my real home.  but while i am here, i can live in rest by resting from my work and resting in His perfect work on the cross.  (Hebrews 4)